I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
