I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
