Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
