I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
