I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
