is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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