Pregnant stripper...not hot.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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