Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
