Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
