it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
