In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
