His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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