He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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