Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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