Porn is love you can see.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
