Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
