I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
