Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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