The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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