i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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