It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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