I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
