Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
