I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
