You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
