I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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