Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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