The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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