YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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