my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
