im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
