I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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