we have pet lesbian snakes
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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