Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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