All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
