I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
me + whiskey = a bad person
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We are all done wearing pants today
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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