You're a womanizer and a bitch.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my liver is dry heaving
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
