Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
