You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
