Whod you bang
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You were trust falling into bushes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
