you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
