great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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