youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I came so hard my ears popped.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize