remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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