i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
