No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
