broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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