Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
