How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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