Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
