if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
two words: eviction party
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
