My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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