Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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