This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
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Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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