He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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