i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize