dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Terrible idea I love it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
