he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
