tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
