Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
