Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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