it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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