I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
