Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
His nipple licking is glorious
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