If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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