Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
