If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
