Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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