Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
