Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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