Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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