the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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