Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
