They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
