At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
