Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They have beer where we have blood.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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