One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
