this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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