i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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