well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
